Yeah, Pretty Much.

“Now I ducked from the wet white light into the prisms of the Liquor Locker. Jesus, they have got a lot of booze in here, and a lot of it is bottom line–-tubs of Nigerian sherry, quarts of Alaskan port. They even have a product called Alkohol, sold in cauldrons of label-less plastic. The Liquor Locker must have started up in direct response to the many bagladies, bums and limping dipsoes who haunt this part of town. There were certainly some dreadful faces flickering through the racks. As I tarried in the malt-whiskey showroom an old head presaged by spores of woodrot breath came rearing up at me like a sudden salamander of fire and blood. Dah! In his idling voice he used distant tones of entreaty and exculpation, pointing to the recent scar that split his heat-bubbled cheek. No you don’t, pal, I thought—you can’t beg in here: it makes all kinds of unwelcome connections. I’d have given him a quid just to keep him at bay but, sure enough, a member of the pimply triumvirate guarding the till came over with a yawn to drop a heavy hand on the poor old guy’s shoulder, aiming him back to the streets where he belonged. Out, old son. Why? Because money says so.”

Money, Martin Amis

Just found some feedback from a professor that contains a pun that I missed the first time I read it. He called it ‘cativating (captivating).’ The project was about cats. How I missed this tasty little bit of wordplay I WILL NEVER KNOW.

Finished my favorite book in two sittings.

The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

Not a groundbreaking achievement, but as Bruno would say:

252 pages. That’s not nothing.

Read this book, seriously.

2. WHAT I AM NOT

“My brother and I used to play a game. I’d point to a chair. ‘THIS IS NOT A CHAIR,’ I’d say. Bird would point to the table. ‘THIS IS NOT A TABLE’ THIS IS NOT A WALL,’ I’d say. ‘THAT IS NOT A CEILING.’ We’d go on like that. ‘IT IS NOT RAINING OUT.’ ‘MY SHOE IS NOT UNTIED!’ Bird would yell. I’d point to my elbow. ‘THIS IS NOT A SCRAPE.’ Bird would lift his knee. ‘THIS IS ALSO NOT A SCRAPE!’ ‘THAT IS NOT A KETTLE!’ ‘NOT A CUP’ ‘NOT A SPOON’ ‘NOT DIRTY DISHES!’ We denied whole rooms, years, weathers. Once, at the peak of our shouting, Bird took a deep breath. At the top of his lungs he shrieked ‘I! HAVE NOT! BEEN! UNHAPPY! MY WHOLE! LIFE!’ ‘But you’re only seven,’ I said.”

The History of Love

Pharmacy

While waiting in line for my anti-anxiety medicine, I realized the man in front of me was ravaged by cancer and the woman behind me was talking to herself. I became quite anxious. The pharmacist made fun of the woman behind me and was quite slow in assisting customers. I was accosted by a Native American on my way out because he didn’t see me buy anything. I told him to have a nice day, but I hope his day is shit. I hope the pharmacist has a shit day as well. People, say, pharmacists should understand that people are picking up medication because they are unwell in some way. Belittling them is like kicking a baby; it’s fun and all, but c’mon. You shouldn’t do it.

I did get some Wheat Thins that were pretty good though. yUp.

Haven't updated this in forever.

‘Finally I devoted twenty-eight tokens’ worth of my time to a relatively straight item, in which a slack-jawed cowboy got the lot, everything from soup to nuts at the expense of the talented Juanita del Pablo. Just before the male’s climax the couple separated with jittery haste. Then she knelt in front of him. One thing was clear: the cowboy must have spent at least six chaste months on a yoghurt ranch eating nothing but icecream and buttermilk, and with a water-tight no-handjob clause in his contract. By the time he was through, Juanita looked like the patsy in the custard-pie joke, which I suppose is what she was. The camera proudly lingered as she spat and blinked and coughed…Hard to tell, really, who was the biggest loser in this complicated transaction—her, him, them, me.

‘Money,’ Martin Amis

themisterfalcon:

milkthistle:

FUCK SHARKS.

IM GONNA BAEK CATS INTO CAEKS!!!!!!!!!

I’M GONNA FEED THE CAEKS TO SHARKS THEN THE SHARKS TO CATS!!!!!!!

FUCK SHARKS.